The Dream of a Ridiculous Man

The consciousness of life is higher than life, the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness — that is what one must contend against.

I am told that I am vague and confused, and if I am vague and confused now, what shall I be later on? It is true indeed: I am vague and confused, and perhaps as time goes on I shall be more so

that this joy and glory had come to me on our earth in the form of a yearning melancholy that at times approached insufferable sorrow; that I had had a foreknowledge of them all and of their glory in the dreams of my heart and the visions of my mind; that often on our earth I could not look at the setting sun without tears… that in my hatred for the men of our earth there was always a yearning anguish: why could I not hate them without loving them? why could I not help forgiving them? and in my love for them there was a yearning grief: why could I not love them without hating them?

Is there suffering upon this new earth? On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love. I want suffering in order to love.

In old days I used to be miserable at seeming ridiculous. Not seeming, but being. I have always been ridiculous, and I have known it, perhaps, from the hour I was born. Perhaps from the time I was seven years old I knew I was ridiculous. Afterwards I went to school, studied at the university, and, do you know, the more I learned, the more thoroughly I understood that I was ridiculous. So that it seemed in the end as though all the sciences I studied at the university existed only to prove and make evident to me as I went more deeply into them that I was ridiculous.

On our earth we can only love with suffering and through suffering. We cannot love otherwise, and we know of no other sort of love.

the knowledge of the laws of happiness is higher than happiness

The consciousness of life is higher than life,

I have seen and I know that people can be beautiful and happy without losing the power of living on earth.

There arose religions with a cult of non-existence and self-destruction for the sake of the everlasting peace of annihilation.