Olivia Fox Cabane

When you meet a charismatic person, you get the impression that they have a lot of power and they like you a lot.

Three quick tips to gain an instant charisma boost in conversation:

Lower the intonation of your voice at the end of your sentences.
Reduce how quickly and how often you nod.
Pause for two full seconds before you speak.

CHARISMATIC BEHAVIOR CAN be broken down into three core elements: presence, power, and warmth.

Being seen as warm means being perceived as any of the following: benevolent, altruistic, caring, or willing to impact our world in a positive way. Warmth is assessed almost entirely through body language and behavior; it’s evaluated more directly than power.

our minds are fundamentally uncomfortable with uncertainty. The minute our brain registers ambiguity, it flashes an error signal. Uncertainty registers as a tension: something that must be corrected before we can feel comfortable again.

The next time you feel yourself considering alternative outcomes to a situation, pay close attention. If your brain is going around in circles, obsessing about possible outcomes, try a responsibility transfer to alleviate some of the anxiety. Consider that there might be an all-powerful entity—the Universe, God, Fate—and entrust it with all the worries on your mind.

Putting It into Practice:
Responsibility Transfer

Sit comfortably or lie down, relax, and close your eyes.
Take two or three deep breaths. As you inhale, imagine drawing clean air toward the top of your head. As you exhale, let that air whoosh through you, washing away all worries and concerns.
Pick an entity—God, Fate, the Universe, whatever may best suit your beliefs—that you could imagine as benevolent.
Imagine lifting the weight of everything you’re concerned about—this meeting, this interaction, this day—off your shoulders and placing it on the shoulders of whichever entity you’ve chosen. They’re in charge now.
Visually lift everything off your shoulders and feel the difference as you are now no longer responsible for the outcome of any of these things. Everything is taken care of. You can sit back, relax, and enjoy whatever good you can find along the way.

The responsibility transfer does not actually dispel uncertainty (the outcome remains uncertain). Instead, it makes the uncertainty less uncomfortable.

Human beings are by nature driven to compare. Whenever we have an experience, we tend to compare it to our past experiences, to others’ experiences, or to our ideal image of what the experience should be.

this cycle impairs our charisma. The very act of comparing and evaluating hinders our ability to be fully present. Trying to optimize both impairs our presence and creates anxiety due to the pressure of finding the best possible choice. And a negative evaluation can easily put us in a negative mental state, such as dissatisfaction, envy, or resentment.