Neil

Watching those men who showed ambivalence on leaving the plane and hearing their bodies thump against the bulkhead helped me make my first choice: “I’m not leaving the plane that way,” I said to myself. That’s when I discovered the power of choice—a third place that is neither “have to” or “want to.” That discovery freed me to move forward to make two other choices: 1) I’m not going to be kicked out of this plane; and 2) If I’m going to leave this plane, it will be under my own power.

But what has become more important to me over the years is the lesson of empowerment that comes from changing a “have to” into a choice.

While illness has little to recommend it, it does give us the opportunity to discover that all our monumental “have to’s” somehow get done without us, or are survived even when left undone. It also gives us the opportunity as we convalesce to watch, often with great surprise, the sprouting of an authentic desire to return to work.

Saying no is an important practice for procrastinators. It lessens the likelihood that you’ll rush into a task in order to make up for a perceived lack of worth. A direct and maturely stated “No” clears the air much more quickly than a passive “Yes, I guess I have to” that you then resent and rebel against by procrastinating.
For procrastinators especially, the ability to say no is a powerful tool for exercising choice. Saying no is another way of saying, “I may be imperfect, but I have enough self-respect to say, ‘No, I don’t have to.’ ” It’s also one way to avoid taking on too much and feeling overwhelmed. It’s a way of asserting “I know you can pressure me, but you cannot threaten my sense of worth.”

1. Negative Thinking of “I have to.”
Repeated throughout your day, the phrase “I have to” (meaning “I have to, but I don’t want to”) will give you a sense of ambivalence and victimization (“I have to, but if I were powerful I wouldn’t”) that justifies procrastination. Having identified this self-statement and the attitude of victimhood that underlies it, you’ll want to quickly challenge it with a statement of choice and an attitude of empowerment.
Replace “I have to” with “ I choose to.”
The language, attitudes, and behaviors of producers can be acquired through specific, on-the-job practice. For example, if you’re at your desk looking at a pile of unanswered mail and a list of unreturned telephone calls, the first thing you may notice is that your shoulders begin to droop forward in a depressed, burdened fashion. This is a clear signal that, even if you haven’t heard yourself say, “I have to,” you feel victimized rather than responsible and powerful. At that moment of awareness, immediately choose to work or accept responsibility for choosing to delay. Use your awareness of a negative thought or attitude to reflexively shift you to the producer’s attitude of choice and power.

2. Negative Thinking of “I must finish.”
Telling yourself “I must finish” keeps you focused on the completed product somewhere in the future, without ever telling you where to start. “Finishing” is in the vague distance, a long way from where you may be now in terms of skills, confidence, and perspective. This focus will make the task seem even more overwhelming, almost impossible. It needs to be challenged and replaced with a solid commitment to starting now.
Replace “I must finish” with “ When can I start?”
“When can I start?” is the catchphrase of the producer. It automatically follows any worries about finishing and being overwhelmed, and replaces agitated energy with a clear focus on what can be tackled now. It works like a feedback device that pushes any wavering focus back to the starting point of the project. And when it is impossible to start now, “When is the next time I can start?” works to preprogram you for a directed and easy start-up in the near future, with a clear picture of when, where, and on what you will be starting.

“I choose to start on one small step, knowing I have plenty of time for play.”

As you include guilt-free play among your tools for overcoming procrastination, you will find that insights come to you throughout your day. Suddenly you find that playing golf, jogging, reading a novel, or talking to a friend provides rich metaphors for your sales program, for negotiating a contract, for your presentation to the board of directors, or for achieving your goal of quitting smoking.

The usual concept of work separates it from play and implies an inner conflict in which work is seen as something you must force yourself to do. The type of work and commitment that is more compatible with the Now Habit is a commitment to a mission that focuses your energies and brings about inner harmony, a commitment that comes from a pull toward a goal and an excitement about the process of getting there.

Your play time will let you experience your own native curiosity and willingness to do good, quality work.