adrienne maree brown

We Will Not Cancel Us

    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti5 kun oldin
    I am speaking about what we do when we hear of harm, abuse, or conflict—we as community members, friends, family, partners, coworkers, comrades, people engaged in our own cycles of harm and healing. As movements trying to break cycles of harm and abuse, how do we hold survivors and those who cause harm as community members once they speak up?
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti5 kun oldin
    The call outs generally share one side of what’s happened and then call for immediate consequences. And within a day, the call out is everywhere, the cycle of blame and shame activated, and whoever was called out has begun being publicly punished. Sometimes, there are consequences—loss of job, community, reputation, platform. Sometimes there is just derision, and calls for disappearance. The details of the offense blur or compound as others add their own opinions and experiences to the story.

    We don’t have a collective clarity about the distinctions between conflict, harm, or abuse, but online, we seem to respond to all of it with the same energy—consistently punitive, too often joyful.
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    My dear friend Malkia Devich Cyril teaches me that there is the fear intended to save your life, versus fear intended to end it
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    Under our blustering exceptional patriotism, our nation has a tendency towards its own destruction, a doubt of its right to exist, which is rooted in our foundation. It’s a shame-filled foundation.
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    White supremacists and patriarchs on one side, solidarity movements in race, ethnicity, class, gender, ability, and sexuality arenas on the other.

    We are a nation not just diverse or divided, but torn—pulled towards life and pulled towards death.
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    How important it was that I be allowed total boundaries, space for rage, space for healing, how much I needed assurance that it wasn’t my fault, and that it wasn’t my job to make sure those who abused and/or harmed me got their healing together.
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    It is our time and responsibility to try something else
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    In order for our movements to be rooted in love, we need to be able to have conversations as survivors, thinkers, workers, and shapers of the future, where all of our experiences can feed our learning.
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    We won’t end the systemic patterns of harm by isolating and picking off individuals,
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    I want to bring our attention to what generates healing for those survivors who receive and those who cause harm…and the majority, who do both.
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    esource a meal, returning the purse with an apology or community service does nothing to address that hunger
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    . If the racialized system of capitalism has produced such inequality that someone is hungry and steals a purse to
    paolargariqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    Who is the I, the We?
    Bianca Beltrániqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    Oh unthinkable thoughts. Now that I have thought you, it becomes clear to me that all of you are rooted in a singular longing: I want us to want to live.

    I want us to want to live in this world, in this time, together.

    I want us to love this planet and this species, at this time.

    I want us to see ourselves as larger than just individuals randomly pinging around in a world that will never care for us.

    I want us to see ourselves as a murmuration of creatures who are, as far as we know right now, unique in all the universe. Each cell, each individual body, itself a unique part of this unique complexity.

    I want us not to waste the time we have together.

    I want us to look at each other with the eyes of interdependence, such that when someone causes harm, we find the gentle parent inside of us who can use a voice of accountability, while also bringing curiosity—“Why did you cause harm? Do you know? Do you know other options? Apologize.” That we can set boundaries that don’t require the disappearance of other survivors. That we can act towards accountability with the touch of love. That when someone falls behind, we can use a parent’s voice of discipline, while also picking them up and carrying them for a while if needed.

    I want us to adapt from systems of oppression and punishment to systems of uplifting and transforming.

    I want us to notice that this is a moment when we need to orient and move towards life, not surrender to the incompetence and hopelessness of our national leadership.

    I want us to be discerning.

    I want our movement to feel like a vibrant, accountable space where causing harm does not mean you are excluded immediately and eternally from healing, justice, community, or belonging.

    I want us to grow lots and lots of skill at holding the processes by which we mend the wounds in our communities and ourselves.

    I want satisfying consequences that actually end cycles of harm, generate safety, and deepen movement.

    I want us to have an abundance of skill in facilitation and mediation when what needs to be addressed is at the level of misunderstanding, contradiction, mistake, or conflict. I want us collectively to be able to use precise language and to be comfortable asking each other questions for the sake of providing each other the absolute best, most healing and most satisfying support possible.

    Within Black movement, I want us to hold Black humanity to the highest degree of protection. Yes, even when we have caused harm. I want us to see each other’s trauma-induced behavior as ancestral and impermanent, even as we hold each other accountable.
    Bianca Beltrániqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    When I get that torn feeling within, which in recent years comes very rarely, in twinges and wisps, I now recognize it as a suicidal tendency in me. It’s not the truth, not the only truth, not my truth, not the choice I want to make. But the tendency is wily, using the voices of people I love to make itself heard. I have to be vigilant, listen between the lines, ask: who would benefit from my absence? Who benefits from my self-doubt?
    Bianca Beltrániqtibos keltirayapti2 oy oldin
    It feels like we don’t know how to belong to each other, to something big and collective and decolonizing.
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti3 oy oldin
    And long before this pandemic, we in the U.S. have had to live with leadership that protected our right to shoot each other, authorized state killing of citizens in our streets, in our homes, and denied every move to intervene on the climate catastrophe we have helped produce.
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti3 oy oldin
    As a facilitator, can I speak on movement drama? Are there topics I should never publicly explore? Where are the places I might detract attention from more worthy voices because of the way celebrity culture works? Am I using my privileges without clear intention? Am I exploiting my oppression?
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti3 oy oldin
    When we aren’t mindful about principled struggle, we can end up caught in the kind of reductionist group-think that proliferates online but is rooted in, and heightens, our offline discomfort with generative conflict in cases of disagreement and difference, and community accountability/transformative justice in cases of harm and abuse.
    VaniaMelivethiqtibos keltirayapti3 oy oldin
    the complex work of abolition and survival, and actually transform the systems that hurt us into systems that hold us and allow us to heal.
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